You need to spread this flu

1.73 mn people being affected everyday!

According to the latest WLO* data, Smile Flu is rapidly rising in the world. Nearly 1.73 mn people are known to catch this flu on a daily basis and the numbers are rising. The WLO has issued the following guide to educate people about Smile Flu.

Top-known Symptoms:

• There’s a perpetual smile on your face and a twinkle in your eyes
• You feel ticklish all the time
• You giggle in the middle of business meetings
• You can’t stop laughing when your partner is whining over something
• Every morning you practice Laughter Yoga
• You laugh off any query raised by your boss
• Every time tears appear in your eyes, you say ‘Ye toh khushi ke aansoo hai’
• Any stupid joke is enough to send you on a laughter ride

If you show one or more of these symptoms, please consider yourself infected with the H1L1, which stands for Hysterical Laughter virus and is the only known cause of the Smile Flu.

How to spread it?

As soon as you detect the presence of this virus in your life, please start meeting as many people as you can. Shake hands with people and stay in touch with them till you are not sure that you have passed the virus on. Smile Flu is contagious and doesn’t take long to spread. It can be spread over e-mails, SMSes, phone calls, etc.

Can it be prevented?

Currently, the research is on at the medical centre of University of Nottingham. However, despite years of diligent study, no medical researcher has been able to establish a way to curb the multiplication of H1L1 virus and Smile Flu is known to spread despite all measures.

Do I need to panic?

You need to panic if you have not noticed a smile on your face for the past 48 hours. You immediately need to come in contact with a person infected with H1L1. Also, if you haven’t noticed a smile surface on your face for the past 5 minutes that you have been reading this Smile Flu guide, you need to track me down and hand me over to the ‘Poor  Sense of Humor’ police.

Instructions for schools

All schools and education institutes are hereby directed to allow the laughter wave in the class as and when it happens. Any attempt to suppress it would be dealt with severely and strict punitive action will be taken against school authorities.

Did it come from the US?

No. In India, it came from Johnny Walker and Keshto Mukherjee. They are the first documented evidence of spreading Smile Flu among the Indian masses.

The most important point

For effectively spreading Smile Flu, you need to remove all masks and drop all guises. Only the genuinely infected people can spread it. Fake smiles and forced laughter have failed miserably in spreading the Smile Flu.

* World Laughter Organization (Couldn’t you guess till now?)

Are blogs a revolution?

Or writing’s ultimate dilution…

 

Sometimes I really do wonder

If it’s a boon or a blunder

 

Till now, pen was mightier than sword

Will ‘keys’ ever reach that accord?

 

To some, it is WWW’s pollution

To some, boredom’s quick solution

 

To me, it is writing democratized

Of the people, for the people, by the people…

As the train from Muzaffarnagar in Uttar Pradesh came to a screeching halt at the old Delhi Railway Station, a flurry of action erupted at the platform. Coolies rushed towards the train to ensure some work for the day while an unusually large contingent of security forces kept an eye on the passengers getting off the train. Amidst this hustle bustle of activity, 11-yr old Faisal looked out with curious eyes from one of the coaches. Hesitant to get down, he stayed there for some time till he was pushed out by a family of six waiting behind him. Once out, he was there…yes he had actually reached Delhi, the city of his dreams, the city where he thought everybody can earn a living, where there is enough to eat and nobody sleeps with an empty stomach….at least that’s the picture that he had conjured up in his mind. But now he was clueless. He had run away from a drunkard father, a mean stepmother and utter poverty in hope of a better life in Delhi. And now, he was here… at the railway station, clueless about what to do next. Suddenly, a security staffer came to him and started asking questions. Why was he there? Who had he come with? What was he doing there? The scared Faisal was too numb to answer. The security officer held him by arm and shouted, “Don’t you know it is 15^th August today? The security is stiff for Independence Day. You can’t just stroll by here and there.” He cursed him in the choicest of terms before shoving him out of the platform.

So, there he stood, near a tea stall, thinking, ‘Independence’ and what it means. It was a heavy word for him but it sounded hollow as it carried no meaning for him. Throwing it out of his mind, he started looking at the rusk kept at the tea stall. He had not eaten anything for two days and was painfully hungry. The experienced eyes of the tea stall owner spotted the boy and he shouted for him. As Faisal approached near, the owner offered him tea and biscuits and asked him to wash the empty glasses and tea cups. The day passed with washing utensils and no meal was offered throughout the day. At night, he again got something to eat. But there was something else waiting for him. At around 11 pm, three peddlers came to the stall and whispered to the tea-stall owner. After some conversation, the owner pointed towards Faisal and they smiled at him. Next thing Faisal knew was that he was in a dingy room in the Seelampur area of east Delhi with the three guys who drank for two hours before asking Faisal to take off his pants. His fate was written on that Independence Day in that room in Delhi and similar is the story of umpteen Faisals who reach Delhi in hope of a better life independent of hunger, fear and poverty.

The word ‘Independence’ sounds as hollow to me as it did to Faisal on that fateful morning. 61 years after India proudly acquired independence, every head should hang in shame for having subjected the future of India, its children, to all sorts of atrocities ranging from child labour to sex abuse to trafficking to pedophilia to many other afflictions. Considering this reprehensible situation, independence to me is…simply meaningless. It is just another vain word which becomes the buzzword every August.

Another movement is required, another struggle needed to free India of the despicable malady of child abuse. This Independence Day, let’s pledge to say a strong ‘No’ to child abuse. Let’s pledge to contribute to teach a child. Let’s pledge to help rehabilitate children found on the traffic signals and railway stations. Let’s pledge to boycott those who rob children of their innocence. Let’s pledge to give Independence the meaning it is yearning to attain.

The humble button has launched thousand romantic scenes on Indian films (remember, how the heroine sews the button back on shirt while hero husband is getting ready for work and the needle unfailingly pricks her finger and he promptly obliges by doing the needful- that is taking her finger in the mouth to stop the invisible bleeding and provide succor… please don’t let your imagination take a flight of fancy…only this much happens). Anyway, back to the button and how the poor thing mostly goes unnoticed… The other day, I was thinking what if there were no buttons.

 

Not that life would come to a standstill but it would be so much less convenient. Whatever would happen to those men who love to wear the button-downs? Who will hold together the everyday shirts? Who will make sure that pants remain unmoved on the broadening waistlines of men? What will differentiate formals from informal?

 

Of course, a zipper can never replace the smartness of buttons and no heroine in Indian entertainment industry knows how to put together a broken zipper. So, zipper is out. But, it will be good for Salman Khan who will then have a reason why his shirts are always open. In fact, all those guys who regularly shave their chests and work the hell out to get those six (or four or two…whatever they can manage) pack abs will get a solid enough excuse to show off.

 

But will the demise of button also mean falling curtains on the sense of formal dressing and complete monopoly of T-shirts? Now, that would be sad. God knows, how I love my company CFO’s sense of dressing for whom formal shirts are almost sanctimonious. What will he do without the buttons? Will he wear his lovely ties on a T-shirt? I dread imagining the site!

 

And I was talking earlier of those men who love to wear the button-downs… how will they rise above the rest? The buttons and where they wear it are their most apparent way to press superiority. So, let the button live… for the sake of men and Indian heroines.

Hmm…So willingly I have taken upon this Herculean responsibility to explain the ways of the world and that too beyond logic… I do believe that it is really worthwhile to see beyond logic in many situations of life. That makes it so much easier and gives a clear vision of what life can be.

 

After a long wait, I have finally been able to write this blog. There is a simple reason why I call myself ‘mythoflife’. Wikipedia defines myth as a sacred story usually concerning the origins of the world. So there you go! I am here to talk and discuss the simple complexities and the complex simplicities that weave together to make life as beautiful as it is. And mind you, I am a lover of life so just do not expect any pessimism in this quest.

 

I am no life guru but I am certainly a believer who believes we are what we want to be. Today, I just want to be happy and ready to lend a hand. Your happiness will beget my happiness and this will create a chain reaction that spreads happiness around. Today, I saw a squirrel on the street while on my way to work and I felt full of energy.

 

Let’s begin this pursuit of life through the lens of the ordinary. Let’s find God in our sins and wrongdoings. Let’s find happiness amidst pain and agony. Let’s see comfort in anxiety and angst. Let’s think the unthinkable. Let’s begin living again.

 

Please leave a comment here and initiate topics of discussion.